Saturday, July 6, 2019

Chapter One Preview: How Long Is Forever? by Erin M. Leaf

HOW LONG IS FOREVER?
Erin M. Leaf 
Copyright © 2019

Chapter One


“Charlie, I have a towel for you,” Eva called from the relative shelter of the front door overhang. She’d squished herself up against her house, hoping to keep from getting wet as she held the cotton fabric in front of her like a shield.
The man on the ladder spared a moment to fake scowl at her as the rain continued to pour down on him without mercy. A towel would do him no good at all until he finished his task and they both knew it, but she had to offer, right? It was only polite, after all. She held the towel out, half apologetically. Charlie shook his head at her, light brown eyes amused, then plunged his hands back into the clogged gutter.
Eva blushed and awkwardly tucked the towel under her arm. Embarrassment had her ducking her head. She wasn’t sure if it was his expression, the water plastering every piece of clothing to his sculpted, muscular body, or her stupid comment, but it didn’t really matter, did it?
“Sorry,” she mumbled, knowing he couldn’t hear her. She wished her dad were still alive to spare her this situation.
“I’ll be done with this side in a moment, Eva,” Charlie said, instead of yelling at her like another guy might. Then he coughed as dirty rainwater ran into his mouth. Eva cringed in sympathetic horror—those gutters were full of rotting leaves—but he shook his head like one of those dudes in a shampoo commercial, and all her sympathy went out the window as the spectacle of Charlie wet through to the bone registered against her retinas. The man was fine. He was more than fine, actually. He was the stuff girls’ dreams were made of: all wet, flowing hair, solid muscle, and competence rolled up into a tight, teasing package of male awesomeness.
Eva bit her cheek, hoping the pain would jolt her out of her fixation on him, but all it did was make her wince. Charlie was a hell of a man, and he was here, right now, helping her out of a nasty situation.
“Girlhood crush, still ongoing,” she muttered to herself, almost resentfully. If there was one thing she had always known in her life, it was that her father had loved her deeply and unconditionally, and she’d loved him back just as much. Growing up, that was all she’d needed. If he were still alive, he’d be the one up there on that ladder, and she wouldn’t be stuck here staring at his best friend, Charlie Greenwood: wet as hell and just as hot.
Because the second thing that she’d always known in her life was that her dad’s friend Charlie was probably the nicest man in the world. Certainly nicer than her stupid Uncle Albert, her mother’s brother, who had made himself a nosy, leering pest ever since her mother had died a year and a few months after her dad. Fuck cancer. And fuck sepsis. The infection had got her dad, and the cancer had taken her mother a year ago after he’d died. And so, after three horrible years of illness and hospitals and grief and railing against the unfairness of it all, Eva was alone, at the ripe old age of twenty-one, in the little house she’d inherited from her parents. And the gutters were clogged all to hell after the torrential rain this autumn. To top it all off, she hated heights, and that meant she needed help.
Enter Charlie, stage left, she thought, looking at his butt. His wet jeans clung in all the right places. She bet it made for a great handhold during sex, not that she’d know. She hadn’t had time or inclination or opportunity for anything even remotely resembling a relationship, let alone a hookup in the past few years. Grief had a way of stopping life in its tracks. She hadn’t even really begun life yet, anyway, before everything happened. She’d never been on a date. Never kissed anyone. She glanced down at herself, frowning at her generously-sized figure. And it’s not like anyone’s ever lined up to play footsie with me, anyway.
“Almost done,” Charlie called out as he balanced on the ladder over top of the front walkway. Water cascaded down over his ridiculously ripped body while he dragged out huge handfuls of rotting leaves from the top of the downspout. Charlie was hands down the hottest man she’d ever met in her life, and she remembered well her utter dismay at age fourteen when she’d first realized that she’d have a crush on him forever. That knowledge was enough to squeeze her insides into a tight, uncomfortable knot whenever he was around, which was more often than she’d ever expected him to be now that her dad was gone.
You shouldn’t be staring at his ass, she told herself, but she couldn’t seem to help it. He’s probably twenty years older than you, you idiot, the voice of reason in her head also said, but it didn’t matter. Her gaze was firmly stuck on Charlie as he stretched out his arm again—insane muscles bunching under his sopping wet, faded green t-shirt. He reached into the clogged gutter to haul out a stinking, evil wad of decaying leaves and God only knew what else and flung the mess onto the ground. Of course, it was still raining. It was always freaking raining these days. The roof had started leaking into the living room above the bay window because the gutters were blocked. And because Eva’s mom had been just as afraid of heights as Eva, no one had gone up there in several years to pull out the leaves. Charlie was who she’d had to call for help, and there he was right now. Soaking wet, right in front of her.
In all his glory.
Another thing Eva had always known was that she was abominably tall for a girl, and she definitely weighed too much, because the size sixteen jeans she used to wear didn’t go up over her hips right anymore. And she didn’t fit into normal sized bras. And most guys looked tiny to her as she stared down at them, so she had never managed a date, let alone a first kiss or any of the other normal things teenage girls did with boys. She’d been too large and too smart most of her childhood in comparison to the other girls at school, and then she’d been grieving, and so now here she stood, staring at Charlie because he was so damned perfect and she couldn’t help herself. Charlie was the only man she knew who towered over her.
Eva was twenty-one years old, and everything about her life sucked right now, except her dad’s best friend, who, at six feet five inches of gloriously muscled manhood, was taller than she was.
Charlie made her feel positively petite. And he always came when she needed him. And that was why, as she stood under the eaves of the front porch, watching him throw stinking, awful gunk from the gutters onto the ground in the pouring rain, that she suddenly decided that enough was enough.
She was going to ask him for help with something far more embarrassing, and much more bothersome than her stupid gutters.
****
Charlie reached his arm into the gutter for the umpteenth time

and cursed under his breath as he dragged out another handful of stinking leaves. He should’ve come here a month ago and cleaned out the damned things, but he’d forgotten, and now he was paying for it. He’d promised his buddy Phil he’d look after his wife Mary and their daughter Eva, and he’d done his best, but clearly, his best wasn’t good enough. Phil had died, and then Mary had died, and Eva was the only one of the family left. She was barely grown and living in their house all by herself.
And now Charlie was here, in the rain, wet through to the bone. From the corner of his eye, he could see Eva watching him, fingers twisted in the towel she’d grabbed. She looked embarrassed and uncertain. She looked adorable. He gritted his teeth and made himself reach in and pull out another handful of stinking mess.
She’s not for you, he thought to himself. No. Nope. Not gonna look. Eva had grown up into just the kind of woman he liked best but almost never met: tall, curvy, and gorgeous as hell. Even worse, she was ridiculously intelligent, and if there was one thing Charlie liked even better than boobs and ass, that was a woman with a brain. She’d managed to finish college early, despite her parents’ illnesses and deaths. It had been difficult, but somehow, she hadn’t broken under the misery of it all. He admired that. He admired her. If he were twenty years younger, he’d say he had a crush on her, but he was a grown man of thirty-five. Adult men did not crush on girls Eva’s age.
“Do not look at her,” he muttered under his breath, even as his eyes disobeyed him and shifted down and to the right. She stood under the front porch, hands crossed over her glorious boobs, curly hair in a wild mess around her shoulders. She’d slung the towel over her shoulder, and he could tell she’d used it to wipe rain off her face. He wanted to leap down off the ladder and toss her over his shoulder, towel be damned. He wanted to take her home and show her exactly
what a man like him enjoyed doing to a woman like her, but she was his dead best friend’s daughter, and that meant hands off.
“Looks like you got it all,” she called out, eyeing the lack of water fountaining over the top of the gutter. “I’ve still got that towel for you.” She uncrossed her arms and dangled it from her fingers. Of course she’d fetched a red towel. It was like waving a flag at a bull.
Frustrated, Charlie grunted, hand still in the freezing cold water now flowing through the gutter. Maybe if I leave it in there a little longer it’ll keep my dick under control, he thought, but then conceded that it was a losing battle all around. Eva was just too damned enticing. He moved his hand around, mostly to buy himself some time to get his shit under control. The clog was gone. When he’d arrived, water had been gushing over the front of the bay window, and a leak had started inside on the ceiling. He’d be fixing that later after everything dried out. Now, though, the water was sluicing down into the downspout like it was supposed to, and he had no reason to stay up here on this ladder. Where he was safe. And fucking freezing.
“You coming down?” Eva called to him.
Charlie sighed to himself, then nodded, and then he carefully stepped down the slick ladder. He should’ve worn his work boots, but he’d dashed out the door so quickly he hadn’t bothered. His sneakers slipped on the bottom rung, but he caught himself and landed on the walk. He tipped the ladder back and drew the extension down. Eva’s gaze bored a hole into his back. He had no idea what she was looking at. She’d seen him messing with ladders a hundred times.
“You want the towel now?” she asked.
He smiled wryly and tilted his head up as the rain continued to pound down on him. “I don’t think your little towel is going to help much, Eva.” He hefted the ladder and headed for her tiny garage, ignoring the water streaming down his face. It was a bit of a tight maneuver to get the damned thing down the stone steps on the side of the house, but he managed it. When he’d finished hanging it on the garage wall, he muscled the old, squeaky door closed and headed back up to the front of the house. Eva waited for him at the door. She looked adorable clutching the bright towel, but God help him, he wished she was wearing something less attractive. He’d always had a thing for women in sundresses, and Eva had a habit of wearing them often. The light cotton, though not form-fitting, hugged her curves in
a way that left nothing to the imagination. He bit the inside of his cheek, hoping the pain would distract his libido.
“I can’t believe it’s still pouring down,” Eva said, making a face at the sky. Even though she was under the overhang, it was raining hard enough to dampen her hair.
“Your curls are looking a little wild,” he said, smiling. He couldn’t help himself. He reached out and lifted the strand sticking to her cheek. She’d always had unruly, curly hair. He wanted to sink his hands into it and— No. No, you do not, he reminded himself, abruptly dropping the lock of hair.
“My hair is always a mess. You know that.” Not seeming to notice his sudden irritation with himself, Eva sighed, impatiently pushing the mass of her hair over her shoulder. “It’s been coming down for the past hour. And all day yesterday, too.” She opened the door and held it for him. “Come on inside. The least I can do is feed you. I have a lasagna in the oven.”
Charlie had just been planning on leaving so he could get home and dry off, and stop imagining my friend’s little girl naked, he reminded himself, but lasagna was the magic word, and Eva knew it. He couldn’t resist pasta. “You didn’t have to make dinner,” he said to her, following her into the house helplessly. The delicious aroma of sauce and garlic hung in the air, and he sniffed appreciatively. “Oh, God, that smells fantastic.”
She flashed a grin at him.
Charlie smiled sheepishly. Eva’s lasagna was to die for, probably because she used the same recipe her dad Phil had. Charlie had always loved his friend’s cooking. His stomach growled embarrassingly, and she smirked. Charlie rolled his eyes as he paused just inside the front door, dripping onto the small square of ceramic tile. “I’m going to make a mess, honey.”
Eva handed him the towel, not even blinking at the endearment that’d slipped out unintentionally. Get a fucking grip, man, he told himself.
“Go on into the bathroom. Take a hot shower. I can throw your clothes in the dryer while you warm up,” she said.
Charlie looked at her for a moment, trying to wrap his brain around the idea of being naked in her bathroom, but then a shiver wracked his body. She was right, damn it. It might be summer, but the rain was cold, and now he was cold.
“Go on,” she said, poking him until he moved away from the front door. She closed it behind them.
Charlie took the towel she held out and rubbed it over his face and hair. “Hang on.” He toed off his shoes, then stripped his wet socks off his feet. The least he could do was minimize the damage as he walked through the house. He’d take off his pants and shirt, too, if he were alone and not sporting a massive erection. He hoped to God she didn’t recognize the bulge pushing against his wet jeans. He knew she’d never had a boyfriend, never dated, so odds were she was still innocent about ... stuff. He winced internally. That thought did nothelp calm him down in the least.
“I’ll take those,” Eva said, holding out her hands.
Charlie stared at her. “You want my dirty socks?”
She glared at him and snapped her fingers. “I want all of your

wet clothes, Charlie.”Ha. If only. Charlie snorted and handed her the socks. She
didn’t seem to realize it, but she had the slightest hint of a blush high on her cheekbones. Embarrassed? he wondered. He smirked. She was the one who’d told him to strip.
“Go on to the bathroom. You know the way,” she said, looking down at his feet. A tiny frown marred her brow.
Charlie shook his head, grimacing at the water that streamed off his hair. “Sorry,” he said, looking at the droplets now decorating her tile entryway. He took off his shirt. That was safe, right? And the less clothing he wore to the bathroom, the less water he’d drip on the way there. When he looked up, he caught Eva staring fixedly at his chest. He held out his shirt. “Eva?”
“What?” A full-blown flush bloomed on her face. “Oh, yeah. Thanks.” She took the shirt from him.
She was ogling my chest, Charlie realized, surprised. He’d been noticing her for a while now, but he had no idea that Eva looked at him that way. In a sexual way. He looked at her face. She’d captured her lower lip between her teeth as if she were trying not to bite into a delicious candy bar. And that’s not a good thing, he told himself, but it didn’t help. His cock jerked despite the clammy, wet jeans he wore. The last thing he needed right now was for his erection to grow bigger. He had a difficult enough time controlling himself around her without trying to walk through her space with a giant hard- on that wouldn’t fucking quit.
“Go on,” she told him. She looked like she wasn’t going to budge until he headed for the bathroom.
He sighed internally. “It won’t take me long,” he said aloud, striding through the comfortable living room and through the dining room. Like all the ranch houses built on this street, the floor plan consisted of a living room, a dining room, and a kitchen each leading to the other, and then a short hallway behind the kitchen that held three bedrooms and a bathroom. The house was small, but cozy. It was nothing like the airy, soaring modern cabin Charlie had built himself on ten acres of forest north of town. But he liked Eva’s house. He’d liked it when it had been his friend Phil’s house, and Eva had been just a child. Somehow, he liked it more, now. Eva had done something with it to make it her own, although he couldn’t put his finger on exactly what.
“Hand me your jeans after you take them off so I can put them in the dryer,” Eva said when he reached the bathroom.
Instead of answering, he closed the door most of the way and took off his pants, careful not to catch his dick in the zipper. He pursed his lips, wondering what she’d think when he didn’t hand her any boxer shorts, then shrugged. What did it matter? She was off limits. It didn’t matter what she thought. “Here you go,” he said, slipping his arm with the sopping jeans through the cracked door.
She took them, and Charlie heard her open the basement door. He smiled wryly as he looked down at his erection. He hadn’t wanted to come here and clean out gutters, but he’d made a promise to his friend. He hadn’t wanted a hard-on, but now he had one of those, too. He turned on the water and stepped into the shower, rolling his eyes at himself when the scent of Eva’s soap wafted up in the hot water, making his cock ache.
I’m not going to be able to cold shower this thing away, am I?
he mused, then took himself in hand. He could jack off in ten seconds flat, especially in this shower, with Eva’s stuff all around him. He groaned quietly as he recalled the blush on her face. She was twenty- one, but he’d bet his left ball she’d never touched an aroused man. Somehow, that thought just made him harder. He hissed as his fist squeezed the tip of his erection, and then his hips pumped once, twice, and it was all over. Jizz coated the pretty white tile of Eva’s shower, and Charlie hung his head in the warm spray, panting and just a bit embarrassed. Had he ever come so fast in his life? He didn’t think so.
“Fuck,” he said a long minute later. His cock was still half- hard and sensitive, but at least now he could stuff it into clothing without injuring himself. At least, he hoped he could. Eva had a way of inspiring his body to new heights of stupidity.
“Hands off,” he muttered, thinking of Eva and her gorgeous body and her pretty blush. “Fuck it all to hell.”

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Saturday, May 25, 2019

FREE FIRST CHAPTER: Instinct by Niki Cluff


INSTINCT
Breed, 2
Niki Cluff Copyright © 2019
Chapter One

“Run,” the voice crackles over the walkie-talkie bouncing against my hip.
Lights flicker above me with a hum. Walls painted a deep blue or slate gray, I can’t tell in the low lighting, stretch up to the matching ceiling, trapping me like a mouse in a maze. There are no windows here, no doors along the walls. A dusty old smell fills the space. No way out. Panic grips my chest and I take deep breaths in an attempt to steady myself. The walls are too close. The ceiling presses down on me.
I pick up the walkie-talkie and depress the button along the side. My hands tremble and I fumble with the button. I breathe through my nose, trying to hide the panic bubbling in my chest. He doesn’t need to know. If he does, he’ll try to fix it. To help me. To save me. Is that what I want? Is that what I need? “What do you see?”
“Nothing, Kyle,” Ichiro says with a grumble. He’s not happy about something, but I don’t know what, can’t see what, and I can’t focus on it. I’m trapped. I need to get out. I’m overwhelmed by my own anxiety. It’s crippling. Debilitating, if I let it overpower me. “I can only see your dot on the map. I need to get you out.”
I try again, realizing I hadn’t been specific. He wasn’t paying enough attention to read between the lines. “What do you feel?” Because I can’t feel anything right now with my own fears
overwhelming me. I need to calm down, but I don’t have my music with me. Don’t have Ichiro’s calming presence nearby to keep me focused and steady. I need Ichiro to walk me through this.
He doesn’t respond right away. I run down the hall and around a corner into another stretch of hallway that looks the same as the rest. Get out. Get out. I halt my movements and place my hands on my knees, bending over to breathe. I need to calm down. To think. Ignore the twisting knot growing in my stomach. When Ms. Hartmann brought me down to the lower floors of the school, I’d thought I would be doing more computer work like I had before the comet hit. Before the world ended and the Internet crashed. Before technology died. When she locked me in this room without a word, I realized she wasn’t trying to test me on my hacking skills. She was never testing my hacking skills. They weren’t a needed skill before the comet hit. I know that now. She’s testing my intuition. The bond I have with Ichiro. She needs this information the way she had when she’d tested my skills with a computer. I just don’t know why. Yet.
I stop trying to think my way through the maze. I’ve always been good at solving mazes on paper, but there is no map of this place for me to see my way through. To trace my finger along the tracks or to follow as I move along the corridors. The way I had when I was a child waiting for food at a restaurant. All I know is what I see ahead of me and what’s passed behind me. I am blind.
“Kyle, you need to calm down and think,” Ichiro says, his voice softening to soothe me. “Breathe.”
A shudder runs down my back. I take another deep breath in through my nose and release it through my mouth. My heart pounds in my chest. Blood thrums in my veins. I have to get out of here. Find the exit. Get out. Ichiro continues to murmur into the walkie-talkie. Every fiber of my being focuses on him. Getting back to him.
Slow.
My intuition warns me to move slowly. To stop running. Another thrill of panic runs through me and I shudder. Hartmann is capable of so many things. She could have all sorts of traps hidden along the walls and the floors. Government money put to good use, I suppose.
“I can’t see anything, Kyle. Move slowly,” Ichiro says, and I can tell he’s worried because his accent is thicker, more of the South Korean than the formal British.
I swallow and place my hand against the wall to my right. Feeling the smooth surface of the metal. The small gaps and cracks where the panels fit together. And then there is air on my fingertips. I stop moving, my left foot dangling above the floor mid-step. There is a gap in the wall that isn’t from the panels being placed together. Rather, in the middle of the panel. A hollow space behind the panel letting breaths of cool air whisper against my fingertips. A way out? Or just a hollow space?
“Ichiro,” I say, my voice a thin whisper. I don’t know why I’m whispering. It’s not like there is anything on this floor that can hear me. Is there? “Can you see anything in this room?”
The walkie-talkie crackles and then there is silence. A musty smell like old wet dirt fills the space. This place has been here for a while, perhaps the entire time Hartmann had been building the school. Like she’d planned on having someone with my skill set enroll. Like she knew she’d need to test their talents. The idea sends a shiver through my spine. What type of research had she done that led her to this point? To conning a bunch of teenagers to a school under the pretense of saving the world when really she’d intended them to become a breeding factory for after the comet hit? To bringing those of us who seemed to have a sixth sense together to raise the world up again? If the others truly had a type of sixth sense like Ichiro and I did.
I shift my weight backward and plant my foot on the floor beside my right. Safety, as far as I can tell. I drop to my knees and crawl to the small gap in the wall. I can barely see the line where the panel is split, the gap almost invisible. Chewing on my upper lip, I crawl over to the other side and feel along the wall. It contains the same gap. Not a way out. A trap.
“There’s a hollow space in the wall on both sides,” Ichiro says, the walkie-talkie crackling back to life, and I jump, falling back onto my rump.
I squeeze my eyes shut and let a puff of air out of my mouth. “I figured.”
“There’s something round inside both sides, but I can’t tell what from the imaging.” He growls. “I’m not good at this computer stuff. I can’t toggle between infrared, x-ray, or anything else I might need. It should be you guiding me, not the other way around.”
“You can do this,” I say, standing and brushing dust off my hands and jeans. I’m glad I can’t see what lives on the floors and walls
of this space. If there was rat feces or something—I shudder at the thought. “I need you to do this. Do you see any sort of trigger?”
“No,” he grunts.
In the low fluorescent lighting, I can see very little. I can’t tell if there are triggers in the floor or the wall. I need him to be my eyes. To figure out this room with me.
“Indiana Jones,” Ichiro says, and I hear a sound like the snapping of fingers.
I blink slowly, trying to keep myself from rolling my eyes though he can’t see me. Not me as a person. I’m a small dot on a computer screen wherever Hartmann has him set up watching me. “This really isn’t the time for movie trivia.”
“No. Maybe she modeled this place after Indiana Jones. The tiles are triggers.”
“You mean like pressure plates on the floor?”
“Yes.”
“Is this a guess or fact?” I ask, looking over the tiles in the low

lighting. I can’t tell if one is different from another by sight alone. Everything on this floor looks exactly the same.
“Instinct,” he says and a small burst of warmth blossoms in my chest. His instinct is kicking in. Are we so out of practice that we have forgotten how the give and take of our abilities works? The idea makes me cringe. I am the reason for that block.
“You want me to guess?”
The walkie-talkie crackles. “What do you feel?”
Nothing. I feel nothing but fear and the worry that the ceiling

may start to slide down the length of the wall and crush me. But I don’t want to tell him that. To sound utterly hopeless. Before the comet hit, I didn’t worry that Hartmann might kill us. We had parents, people to return home to. Who expected to hear from us. Except for Ichiro, whose parents died when Asia sank. Now that the comet had hit and wiped out everything as far as we could tell, she has no reason to keep us alive if she doesn’t want to. And I am not living up to my end of the bargain because I won’t sleep with Ichiro.
I close my eyes. Try to hear that still small voice deep inside of me. The voice that I had neglected when the world fell apart. When I lost my brother to the comet that slammed into the earth. And she knew where they were. She could have saved them, but she didn’t. I didn’t. I’d wanted to escape my parents so badly, I left my little brother to die.
“Don’t feed the guilt,” Ichiro says, his voice cracking. I wonder how far away he is that his voice cracks through the device. “It isn’t your fault.”
I shove the thoughts of Brandon back down into the black hole deep within me and close my eyes again. Ichiro starts to ramble. I don’t know what he’s talking about. He just talks to keep me focused on him. On us. I search for that voice again. The voice that led me to Ichiro our first day at the school. That gave me my companion and friend in this place. My new family. The world falls away a little bit at a time, the black void swallowed by him. By us.
Forward.
I take a tentative step onto the tile in front of me with my left foot then my right.
Right.
I shuffle my right foot onto the next tile and then my left. The tiles are small, barely enough room for both of my feet. One wrong move. One tip in the wrong direction. Whatever lives beneath these walls will do whatever they’ve been built to do. Destroy, frighten, or both.
Right.
Another tentative slide of my feet.
“Kyle!” Ichiro shouts.
Get down!I don’t question the words that burn through my entire body.
The panic that surges into every limb. I drop to the ground with a hard thump, hitting my chin against the tile. My teeth clack together. Something whines behind the walls, followed by the release of a gear or a spring. Discs whir out from the slots in the walls, shooting into the opposite side. The panels scream and screech as metal hits metal. I cover my head with my hands and press myself into the tile like I’m trying to become the ground itself. Sparks fly.
“Kyle? Answer me,” Ichiro demands.
My hands tremble. I drop them from my head and look up at the walls. The discs are half-dug into their hollow panels. Teeth, jagged and sharp, stick out from the metal wheels. Large saw blades that belong in a mill somewhere. My hand slides down my side to the walkie-talkie.
“I’m fine,” I say, breathless.
“Fine? You’re fine? What were those things? What happened?”
he asks, and there is a growl behind his words. Something feral that hadn’t been there when we’d first met. Something that started appearing whenever Hartman put me in danger. Because it was never him that she tested and tried. Not physically, anyway.
“Saw blades,” I say, cringing. I stand and brush myself off, feeling the fine layer of dirt and dust on the ground clinging to the sticky sweat along my entire body.
“I’ll kill her,” Ichiro swears, his voice the thick growl of a feral wolf. “Wrap my fingers around her neck and squeeze until—”
“Can you do that after I get out of here?” I ask, rubbing my chin. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth and I realize I’ve bitten my tongue. For all his posturing, I know that Ichiro would never hurt anyone. It isn’t in his nature. Isn’t in the way he is built. I wonder if I have it in me to kill someone. The way Andy had murdered Angel.
Ichiro clears his throat. “You’re fine?”
I spit some of the blood onto the ground. Let her clean it up. “I’m fine.”
He lets out a breath. “There should be a door not far from where you are.”
“There is?” I glance up and take in the matching walls, ceiling, and floor. I don’t have to worry about springing the trap now that the blades have already shot free of their holds. Without waiting for his answer, I head down the hallway toward freedom. Toward him.

Friday, April 26, 2019

First Chapter: FORGIVEN ARE THE STARRY-EYED by Christine Doré Miller

Christine DorĂ© Miller Copyright © 2019

Chapter One


My eyelids closed as if they were being drawn down by sluggish, unhurried weights. When I forced them open after several seemingly endless moments, nothing had changed. I could still make out a blurry image of Josh standing nearby, Mr. Thompson's hands clenched firmly on Josh's shoulders from behind. There was a crowd, I think, and muffled voices. The steel school locker felt cold against my back and I recognized the familiar feeling that lately seemed to just dwell and ache in my bones. Fear, I think it was, mixed with just enough madness to keep the blood racing through my veins ... fast. Too fast.

"Why did you do that, Andrea?" Josh shouted in my direction.

My eyes fell closed again. I don't remember what else he said. I just remember the feeling of each overly pronounced syllable piercing the air while he said it. I stared through the darkness that danced behind my heavy eyelids. What had I done?

I tried to pry open my hazy eyes to examine the faces of the expanding crowd as they stood, mouths agape. I only recognized a few. There were hardcover music books sprawled open on the tile floor at my feet. Confused, I looked to Josh, but the heavy silence of the room deafened any words he may have been saying. I gripped the ends of my soft, thin hair between my slender fingers and waited. Each thought sunk deeper than the last.

There was a poster taped sloppily against the locker behind me. I turned my head to face it and focused. The ends were curled up and there were ripples in the masking tape adorned to the edges. "Oakwood High School Invitational—TONIGHT" it read in handwritten purple block letters. There was a pixelated saxophone image pasted underneath the words, "Brought to you by Mr. Thompson and the Oakwood High Jazz Band." I brought my hand up to trace the edges. The poster board felt crisp and thick under my fingertips. I could smell the aftermath of the permanent marker. The loud reverberating voice behind me got softer until it resembled a deep echo I could easily ignore. I started to pick at the tape from the bottom left corner of the poster until I felt the sticky residue ball up underneath my fingernail.

Suddenly the life reentered my body in one abrupt breath when I felt a strong tug on my arm. I turned and saw Ethan Marks. Everyone else was gone. Had it been minutes this time? Hours?

"Andrea! Come on," he barked at me, interlacing my arm, tucking it quickly under his. He jerked me to a standing position and pulled me down the hall, speeding up his gate as I stumbled to catch
up.

"Where's Josh?" I asked worriedly, but he didn't answer. We were silent as we walked through the empty hallway. I lifted my gaze, trying to catch Ethan's eye, trying to read his thoughts. His light blue eyes, usually sparkling with laughter, were steely and somber as he charged forward, dragging me with him, away from the wreckage I'd caused.

He stopped short and took a deep breath. His eyes were unyielding and dismal as they studied me, and slowly his frustration melted into a deep sadness.

"What happened, Andrea? What was that back there?"

"I don't know..." My voice began breaking. My thoughts were muddled beyond recognition and I couldn't form the right words, or any words, to explain.

Ethan wrapped himself around me in a gentle, firm embrace. It felt kind. And warm. And wonderfully different. My muscles unclenched for the first time in months, and I didn't know I was crying until I tasted the salt as it stained my face. I buried my head into Ethan's chest as he tightened his hold on me. I wanted him to say something, to tell me everything would be all right, but we both knew better. So we just stood there, Ethan supporting me as I clasped the back of his cotton
t-shirt between my fingers.

After a few minutes, I fully returned to my body as my breathing calmed. I steadied my stance and took a step backward, shakily holding Ethan's forearms as I regained my balance. Wiping smudged mascara from my pale face, I met Ethan's eyes and quickly looked down, fixating on a crack in the tile below me.

"Hey," he started, "Andrea ... it's..."

"I'm okay. Ethan, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to ... I'm sorry I ... ugh your shirt." I motioned to the tear stains on his light green tee that crept from his chest to his shoulder.

"Oh God, don't worry about that. Andie, I just..."

"It's fine." I wiped my face and took a deep breath. "Thanks," I said, squeezing Ethan's hand and looking in his eyes sincerely, so he knew I meant it. "I should go. But thanks." I shook my head and turned around to walk back into the havoc and face what I had done. I felt Ethan staring at me as I left. He was just another person whose life would've been better if he hadn't met me. I swallowed, took a breath, and kept walking.

It was over for now, that latest incident, and there was no way to tell when there would be another one ... but there would definitely be another one. I was too broken for it to be any other way.

After walking a short distance, I finally recognized Josh amidst dozens of hurried students and parents milling toward the cafeteria. I meekly smiled and gave a half wave, unsure of how he'd be feeling after what had just happened, unsure if he'd even want to see me. But I was drawn toward him like the strongest magnet, unable to stay away no matter how much I resisted or how much damage I'd caused.

"Come on, babe, we've only got an hour until we have to be back at the awards ceremony," Josh said, his dark brown eyes transfixed on me with concern. He didn't mention the incident. I didn't either.

Josh's words were soft, but I couldn't shake the horror from my body. How could he still love me after this? He deserved better. Everyone did.

Josh motioned for me to follow him outside the double doors that led to the parking lot. As the cold Michigan air hit my face, I went to grab Josh's hand. He quickly dropped it when he saw Harper and jogged to catch up with her. I tried to follow briskly but was still carefully avoiding the ice patches on the black asphalt as I heard a car start.

"Come on, slowpoke!" Harper teased from the driver's seat. I piled into the backseat of her 1980s white hatchback and had barely buckled my seatbelt before we started moving.


*************************************************************
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Friday, April 5, 2019

Read Chapters 1 & 2 of (NOT QUITE) THE SAME OLD SONG by Lindsey Ouimet!


(NOT QUITE) THE SAME OLD SONG
Lindsey Ouimet Copyright © 2019

Chapter One

I was going to kill my brother.
Yep. Kill, as in maim brutally until he succumbed to death’s cold, dark embrace. Because a slow death wouldn’t do. No, he deserved to suffer. I didn’t know much about Chinese water torture, but I could learn. And the leaky faucet in the bathroom, the one he’d promised to fix months ago, would do the trick. A couple of hours of that would surely drive him insane. His brain might even start to liquefy. Maybe dribble out of his ears a bit.
I wondered if that would be painful enough. Or painful at all, considering he’d killed most of his brain cells already, taking hit after hit of whatever his crackhead friends put in front of him.
I hoped wherever he was at that moment, whatever he was smoking was laced with some bad shit. I didn’t even feel bad thinking it. This always happened. He’d disappear, lifting cash from Mom’s purse and leaving her sick with worry instead of anger. One day turned into two, three, eight at the most. He’d stumble in eventually, visibly worse for the wear, but with a sheepish I’m sorry, Mommy. I’m sorry, Darcy. I promise I’ll be better from now on smile plastered on his face. And then he’d do it 
Getting clean was part of Quinn’s regimen. Staying clean was a different story.
Eventually, he’d fall back off the wagon. He’d get picked up in the alleyway behind a bar or hanging out at one of the other trailer parks in town, the ones far worse than our own. He’d spend time in the county jail but would never be dumb enough to call us from it asking for bail. He knew we wouldn’t have it. Mostly because he’d pocketed what we did have to score whatever shit landed him there in the first place, but also because ... well, the residents of Whispering Oaks Mobile Home Community weren’t exactly rolling in dough in the first place. And even though Mom had started doing clients’ hair in our poorly lit kitchen on the side, we were barely getting by.
Really, he was no worse off than half of our meth-addicted town, but it was bad enough to make Mom cry at night when she thought I couldn’t hear her. Our trailer walls were paper thin though, and I hadn’t slept soundly since I was thirteen and woke up to find one of my brother’s acquaintances rifling through my dresser drawers at three AM. Junkies were the goddamned worst.
Beating the snot out of him always crossed my mind. I’d tighten my fists at my sides when he inevitably made his reappearance, or when I’d find him sitting at the kitchen table in the mornings before I left for school, smiling nervously as he pushed a plate of apology pancakes—dusted with powdered sugar the way I liked—in my direction.
Every time, I’d bite my tongue and forgive him. Every time, I’d wonder if one day those apologies would actually mean something. I hoped they would.
Whatever apology he offered this time, though, it was going to have to be good. And it damned well needed to mean something.
The guitar case slipped in my sweat-slicked hands and I nearly lost my hold on it as I pushed through the heavy glass door, the bell jingling to signal my entrance to Addams Gold & Pawn. My fingers tightened around the handle of the battered and beaten-to-hell case. The leather was cracked, torn, and covered in stickers from dozens of different bands—some long-forgotten, others legendary. And it held my favorite thing in the world. When I was little, my father let me have the honor of opening this case for him each time he played the guitar inside it. Later, he taught me how to play it myself. Letting it go, even temporarily, was going to hurt like a bitch.
I straightened my shoulders and walked to the front counter.
This time... Well, this time I really was going to kill my brother.
****
“I know what this guitar is worth.”

It wasn’t the first time I’d found myself at this counter. Even though it was embarrassing and I’d die if anyone from school ever saw me, I’d patronized Addams Gold & Pawn—much more pawn than gold in the shop, by the way—for years. Our entire DVD collection came from the place, as well as the piece-of-shit, way- outdated iPod that resided almost permanently in my back pocket and the headphones around my neck. I’d sold and bought back the flat- screen television Mom had splurged on at least four times.
“I know what it’s worth too, Miss Andrews.”
I found that highly unlikely considering there was a wall full of Wal-Mart’s First Act brand guitars behind him. He wouldn’t know a quality guitar if it bit him on the ass.
“I don’t think you understand,” I started, barely able to hold it together and hating every trace of vulnerability in my voice. “What you’re offering me—”
“Is a better deal, with better terms than you’re going to get from anyone else in town.” He cut me off with a satisfied smirk.
I wanted to slap it off his smug, I-own-this-joint face. “This is the only pawn shop in town.”
“Exactly.”
I flinched. There were at least three pawn shops I knew of two towns over. I didn’t know if they’d offer me a better deal than the man in front of me, but I would’ve given anything to throw their names in his face. Then I glanced out the front window to where my bike leaned against the side of the ice machine on the sidewalk. It was old, rusted in places, and not even worth chaining up. No one in their right mind would want it—and no one in their right mind would use it to make the twenty-mile trip to Franklin in one-hundred-degree heat. My shirt was still damp from the ride over.
One look at Mr. Addams’s face told me he knew these things just as well as I did.
I took a deep breath and stood up straighter. “$650.”
He let out a terrible, condescending little laugh before he turned his attention to something behind the counter. He didn’t care
that I was practically pawning my soul. He didn’t even have the decency to look me in eye as he countered with his original offer. “With the interest rate you want? $600.”
It was barely enough to cover rent and the past-due portion of our current power bill, but we could scrape by until the end of the month on it. I thought of the wad of cash Quinn had stolen from Mom’s purse—at least $900 from a wedding party she’d worked on the week before. He’d probably already blown it all before passing out on someone’s ratty, molding sofa.
“$625,” I spit out, gritting my teeth so hard my jaw ached. The extra $25 wouldn’t make much of a difference, but it would mean an extra tank of gas for Mom’s car. “Surely you can give me the same rate with only a measly $25 extra.”
“I can give you a lower rate with a bigger loan, Miss Andrews. You know that.”
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “And owe even more money in the long run? No, thank you.”
“Fine.” He shook his head and pushed a clipboard across the counter. He shoved a pen into my hand and nodded to the paperwork. “You know the drill.”
I sighed. Yeah, I did.




Chapter Two

“Still no word from Quinn?”
I groaned and dropped the old US Weekly I’d been reading into the grass. Despite their age, the pages had still left my fingertips smudged with ink. I swiped them across the towel I was lying on before wiping the sweat from my forehead. Turning to my best friend, I shook my head. “Nope. Not a word. As usual.”
Maddie fidgeted from the corner of my eye. She tied three additional knots in the side string of her bikini bottom before finally spitting out what I knew she was going to say.
“I mean, you think he’s okay, right?” She cleared her throat. “You don’t think something’s happened to him, do you?”
“Oh, for God’s sake. Not you, too.” I narrowed my eyes at her, forgetting she couldn’t see them through my dark sunglasses. “Look, Quinn has enough admirers, Maddie. How exactly, I don’t fucking know, but you’re way too good to count yourself among the ranks. And of course, I think something’s happened to him. Somethingalways happens to him.”
She wanted to argue, probably even say how she wasn’t interested in Quinn. But she was a shitty liar, so she kept quiet instead. She might not have been interested now but she had been in the past. Maddie could romanticize the hell out of a person like it was her job. She’d talked about Ryan Wadley for months after she found out he’d adopted a dog with only three legs from the shelter. As if his parents hadn’t had a big part in the decision-making process on that one.
So, of course, she still managed to bring up how Quinn had saved her life once every time someone mentioned summer, or swimming, or near-death experiences. Like it was a scene from an epic romance movie and she’d been on the verge of going into the light.
I hated to burst her bubble, but the Quinn we grew up with— the one she’d looked at with hearts in her eyes after he rescued her from that awful, life-threatening leg cramp at the deep end of the pool at the YMCA—was long gone. Some days, when his eyes were clearer and he actually ventured out of his room, I would catch
glimpses of that big brother. The older we got, though, the fewer and farther between those glimpses were. I didn’t want to think about it. It hurt too much.
We sat in silence. A couple of yards over, a neighbor cranked up their lawnmower, and I wondered how they could stand the heat this time of day. I was roasting, both underneath the harsh Georgia sun and in the remaining anger my brother had left in the pit of my belly.
I’d intended to make the most of the summer before my senior year. I knew that soon I’d be back at school, slaving over homework assignments and studying as hard as I could for all my tests. Hoping with all I had that my grades would be worth it. That I’d be able to land a scholarship that would get me out of our crappy little town. I could go away to school and get a jump start on a new life. A better life.
I shifted a little, trying to dry the sweat that had pooled in the small of my back against the scratchy towel underneath me. After another thirty or so seconds, I gave up any pretense of enjoying our sunbathing session and pushed up onto my elbows. “I’m bored.”
“And I’m sweating like a pig,” she countered, sitting up with each of her long, lean legs crossed over in her lap. Maddie was built like a freaking supermodel. At almost six feet tall, I swore her legs made up four of them. My legs were short and, like the rest of my body, chubby. Maddie smoothed her somehow still perfect hair back from her face and huffed out a sigh, tilting her head toward the back door. “What do you think the chances are of your AC automatically working double-time and actually cooling it off in there?”
It wasn’t likely. Window-unit air conditioners in tiny metal cans didn’t stand a chance against a summer in the south. I stood up, pulling my bikini bottom out of my asscrack before the creepy neighbor kid next door peeked out from his bedroom blinds again, and tossed my towel over my shoulder. “About as good as Quinn suddenly showing up not only sober, but with enough money for me to buy Darlene back from the pawn shop.”
“You’ll get her back,” she assured me.
I wasn’t as confident. The $625 I’d gotten was long gone and my shifts at Mama Jo’s weren’t stacking up nearly as much as I wanted them to. I was banking on Mom helping me out after she paid the phone and gas bill, but I knew I’d be cutting it close. I was still
short about $90 on my payment for the month. There were only three days and two shifts left before the cut-off day, and tips needed to be good at Jo’s. I tried not to think about it, though, like so many other things. There wasn’t an option. I had to get that guitar back.
Quinn had been gone for a record twenty-eight days. And I was a lot more worried than I let on.
Worried, but still pissed about my guitar.
I shrugged. “It’s got to be cooler inside than it is out here. Let’s go.”
After we were settled on the couch, a half-eaten bag of tortilla chips between us, Maddie dug her phone out of her purse. Mine had been out of minutes for weeks, but she kept a careful eye on hers— sometimes not even answering it when I’d call, opting instead to run the two streets that separated our trailers and knock on my bedroom window to see what I wanted. That was how I knew she must have really been bored when she started to scroll through her contacts.
She muttered something about giving someone a call, but I was too engrossed in an episode of House Hunters International to pay much attention. I hadn’t seen the episode yet, but I knew the couple would pick the five-bedroom split level just seconds from the beach, despite the ugly paint job and outdated guest bath. I couldn’t get enough of House Hunters. I doubted I’d ever be in their situation myself, but it was good to be prepared.
I realized Maddie was waiting for me to say something. “Uh huh,” I said, nodding while my eyes were still glued to the screen. I usually felt guilty about the stolen cable Quinn had rigged up years before, but never when House Hunters was on. During their exit interview, the wife was explaining how they’d expanded the kitchen when I heard Maddie saying, “...your combat boots?”
“Wait, what?” I said, snapping out of it. “Why do you need those?”
“Well, dur. I’m going to look totally out of place if I go to the show in a sundress and sandals.”
“Show? Wait... What?” I looked over to where she was swinging her clasped hands back and forth in front of her, fluttering her eyelids. Classic oh please, oh please, oh please in Maddie-speak. “Oh, you bitch.”
“I took advantage of your distraction. And they should’ve picked the house with the big backyard.” She grabbed for my arm to
yank me off the couch. “Now come on. We only have a couple of hours to get ready!”
I stood my ground. Or I planted my butt as firmly against the couch cushions as possible.
“How much is this going to cost?”
“Jake said the cover’s like, $5.00, but he can get us in for free.”
“I don’t know...”
Her on-again, off-again boyfriend Jake wasn’t the most reliable of sources when it came to well, anything. And it might not have been much, but every penny counted. I was already having visions of being exactly $5.00 short when I totaled up my money to make this month’s payment at Addams Gold & Pawn.
“Sean will be there.” Maddie grinned.
I shrugged. “Meh.”
“Meh? That’s not what you were saying after Austin’s party

last month.” She wiggled her eyebrows and hips at the same time. “I believe it was something more along the lines of ‘mmm... mmm ... Mmm!’ Oh, wait. That was during Austin’s party.”
I chucked a pillow at her head and she laughed as she released my hand to back away.
“Sean’s cute, but he’s such a slut. And people probably thinkI’m one too just because we hook up sometimes.” I tried not to let it bother me, but people were quick to associate words like whore andslut with your name when they already considered you trailer trash. “And ... well, he’s kind of dumb.”
He was. Cute and dumb. Kind of like a puppy. Incessant licking included.
“So?” She backed up the two steps that put her into the short hallway leading to my room. “So are you.”
She barely made it to the bedroom door before I slammed against it.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding!” She held her hands out in surrender when I finally shouldered the door open. The locks barely worked. You only had to jiggle it the right way and put a little pressure on it. “Forget about Sean. There are like, a hundred bands playing tonight, though. New music! Maybe they won’t all suck. Doesthat pique your interest?”
Unfortunately, it did.
**** I looked around at the venue.
Venue was a strong word, really. We were at the American Legion on the other side of town. It was pretty much one big room with space for maybe fifty people and a small stage. The acoustics were awful and there was no sound system. We’d have to rely on whatever shitty equipment the bands playing brought with them. I wasn’t optimistic. But at least cement floors and cinderblock walls would make it easy for the cleanup crew.
Which was definitely a good thing because there was somehow way more than fifty people here.
Outside, there were cars parked on both sides of the dark, narrow side street the Legion was on, the parking lot of the bank it was tucked behind, and even in the church parking lot across from the bank. I didn’t think that the First Methodist Church of Arnoldsville would appreciate any of the music coming from a bunch of high school bands, but at least there weren’t signs telling people not to park there.
“I can’t believe they’re charging for this shit,” I mumbled.
“Yeah, well, there are like, eight bands playing tonight, so...” Jake let his words fade into the crook of Maddie’s neck, along with his nose, lips, and tongue. I guessed they’d flipped the switch back to “on” in their relationship.
I didn’t bother with a response as I pushed my way through the crowd. I wasn’t surprised. They would hook up tonight, it would go great for a couple of days, a week tops, and then they’d each be back to thinking the other was an asshole. I also wasn’t surprised that Jake hadn’t come through with his promise of getting us in for free and that Maddie showed up with empty pockets. I was $10 poorer and irritated as hell, so I hoped at least one of the bands wouldn’t suck ass.
But three bands in, I was starting to lose that hope. I was hot, sweaty, and seriously underwhelmed. A punk band who’d only mastered two of the three chords needed to play their songs was on stage and making my ears bleed when someone wrapped their arms around my waist from behind.
“Hey, sexy,” a deep voice said just beside my ear.
I relaxed and tensed at the same time. Relaxed because at least I wasn’t being accosted by a stranger. Tensed because I really, really
wasn’t in the mood to deal with anyone’s shit.
“Hey, Sean.” I wormed my way out of his hold, glancing

around to see if anyone was watching, but still ended up stuck in a sort of sideways hug that left his slightly sweaty armpit over my shoulder. He smelled like Old Spice deodorant and really rank weed. Not the best combo, but I’d dealt with worse. His hand drooped over my other shoulder, dangling perilously close to my boob. He took a slightly classier route and plucked at the bra strap peeking out from the tank top underneath my cardigan instead, running his finger underneath the satiny material, down, down, down... I shivered despite myself.
“You look hot tonight.”
“Thanks. You look high as shit.”
He giggled and I pushed away from him. When he was high,

he was even more clueless than usual. And handsy.
He didn’t seem to mind the brush off, but that didn’t mean he

wouldn’t keep trying. He leaned closer to be heard over the music. “What are you up to?”
I gestured at the crowd around and then to the guys on stage. It was pretty obvious, but Sean wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box. “Just checking out the bands.”
“Cool, cool.” He nodded and pushed his hair back from his eyes in a move that I admitted made me just a little bit swoony. He had pretty arms. “So maybe after the show is over...”
Sean said something else, but a sweet Peavey 6505 being carted on stage grabbed my attention. The punk band had finished their set. I couldn’t tell if they’d played more than one song since it had all sounded the same, with barely a ten-second pause between renewed bouts of screaming. This new group had much better gear. I could only see bits and pieces because the crowd was thicker near the stage and I was so damned short, but I was impressed.
Until they were about a couple of verses into their first song. I cringed as the drummer missed a beat. Then the guitarist missed another note and continued not to notice he was out of tune.
They weren’t terrible, exactly. The song was a little predictable—a cover I’d heard done a million times—but it had a good beat. But they played their instruments like a bunch of rich boys who thought it might be cool to be in a band. Maybe because it would get them chicks. Even if they liked the music they played, they hadn’t
dedicated enough time to practicing and getting it right. I’d seen it happen before. People who thought expensive or even overpriced equipment would hide the fact they didn’t fully comprehend the instrument in their hands.
Looking around the crowd, it seemed like everyone was into it. Bobbing their heads and listening intently. Girls, falling for the trap, pushed closer to the stage, forming a barrier of skirts, eyeliner, and tight tank tops between the crowd and the band.
The guitarist missed another note that went unnoticed by everyone else in the building, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to see how he was screwing up such a simple chorus.
I turned to Sean who—surprise, surprise—was staring at my ass while he went on with whatever he was saying. Rolling my eyes, I told him I’d be right back.
I needed to get closer to the stage. I popped up onto my tiptoes, trying to get a better look. I need to see exactly who—
I stopped. Someone slammed into me from behind and I clutched onto the shoulders of the guys in front of me to keep from falling face-first into the cement floor. They shouted something at me over the music, but I just snarled and pushed past them to get closer to the stage.
Because there was Grey Addams. On stage. Looking nothing like I remembered him looking in my fourth-period English class. Holding my fucking guitar.


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